What Does Success Mean To You?

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This post started as a comment on Matt Cheuvront’s post titled Work vs. Life: What is Your White Whale? on his blog, Life Without Pants. While we were discussing the balance of work vs. life and whether it was even possible to be completely successful at one without the sacrifice of the other, I began to realize that this was really a question of defining success. The balance of work and life is simply aligning your lifestyle to your definition of success. So, I started to write my thoughts on success as a comment but the thoughts became too personal. This is the post that should have been a comment and I suggest you read his original post before mine.

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I was a junior in high school and it was the first week back after a long summer break. I sat in Spanish class and remember unwillingly being forced to sit in the first seat of the second row. My last name begins with a D and I guess when we sat alphabetically that was the way the dice landed for me – the best seat in the house. I think we were all doing our best to be cool without trying too hard because it was high school and you tend to wear your skin tight during those formative years. I remember another teacher, who I had never seen before, interrupt our lecture and ask to have a word with my teacher. This new teacher was much younger than my teacher but for some reason the look on her face seemed to have been weathered with worries and hardships. The two went outside and a few minutes later my Spanish teacher returned with the the same expression across her face. She sat on her desk delicately and put her hands in her lap. I think it was her way of making sure that she at least appeared to be calm before she began to tell us how a plane struck one of the Twin Towers.

I went to high school in NJ and for all of us here, New York City is our backyard. We’re the bridge and tunnel crowd but we’re as much of a part of the city’s culture as those two towers were. In fact, between the hours of 9-5 on a weekday, Manhattan’s population doubles with the addition of people from CT, NY, and NJ. In 2001, my Uncle happened to be one of those people.

As soon as the teacher delivered the news I knew that something was wrong. I know what you’re thinking, we all think the worst when we hear news like that but I can still remember the feeling and it wasn’t just a surface level thought. I truly felt this fear somewhere deep. The school wouldn’t allow us to call home unless one of our direct family members worked in New York. My parents both worked in NJ and my brother went to college at Rutgers. I knew they were safe. This was also the year before my generation was spoiled with cellphones, so I continued to sit through the day with the crazy notion in the back of my head that I should be somewhere else. When I got home I found a note from my mom saying that she was at my aunt’s house and instantly knew that the crazy notion I had was real.

For weeks we all sat and waited for an ending to come. Family members and friends came often and every time they rang that fucking doorbell our heads turned with greater hope only to turn back again with more dismay. After a few weeks we gave up on the hope and prepared a funeral without the guest of honor. Those few weeks were tough but they also formed my views on what success and legacy really meant.

He was a humble guy and rarely talked about himself or his life. I don’t think I ever heard him complain about his work or his responsibilities as a father and husband. During this time many people with unfamiliar faces came and talked about their memories of him. I sat and listened to learn of a man who was known to some as a black belt in karate, to others as a guitarist in a jazz band, a mechanic and race car enthusiast, and to some young guys simply as coach. What amazed me though wasn’t that I never heard him complain but that I had never heard him even mention his achievements. He never boasted or bragged about a single one of these accomplishments. Instead he listened to everyone else as they talked about themselves.

This all came back to me a few weeks ago when I listened to John Wooden, famed UCLA Bruins baskeball coach, discuss the topic of success in his appearance at Ted. He defines success as:

Peace of mind attained only through self satisfaction in knowing you made the effort of doing the best of which you’re capable… trying to improve the situation that exists for you. I think that is success, and I don’t think others can judge that. I think it’s like character and reputation. Your reputation is what you’re perceived to be, your character is what you really are. I think your character is much more important than what you’re perceived to be, you had hoped that they would both be good but they won’t necessarily be the same.

For me, success involves a continuous and concerted effort to better yourself while carrying others with you along for that journey. I want to improve so that I can improve others in some way as well – not necessarily in terms of wealth or lifestyle because knowledge and influence is just as important.

Character plays a heavy role in all of this and I think we should all try to remain humble regardless of our accomplishments. I describe my uncle as humble and ironically it is the first adjective that Bill Walton, one of Wooden’s players, used when describing his former coach. (Bill Walton and John Wooden are in the Basketball Hall of Fame). Anyways, back to humility and humbleness, to put it simply I wouldn’t want to be remembered for changing the world and bragging about it at the same time.

At the end of the day you can put on the suit and tie, do the 9-5, and live an average life while still leaving behind a meaningful legacy. You might not be remembered by millions but that doesn’t mean you failed at being successful. It really just depends on what success really means to you.

What’s your definition of success? Leave a comment below and join the discussion

Tagged as: failure, john wooden, legacy, life, Success